CLiff, that's a reasonable question. I would suggest the terms "biological" and "adoptive" are much much clearer and accurate than your word "natural".

No, so far none of the 5 have established a relationship with their biological parents. 2 of our kids were from overseas adoptions years ago and it would be about impossible for them to reestablish contact. 3 of our adopted kids are from within the US. Our 18 year old has expressed an interest and we will help him in that if he wishes to pursue contact.

Between about ages 18 and 22 we are ALL trying to figure out who we are and what our place is in the world. IF establishing contact with bio parents helps them through that learning period then fine.

However I think Pokey hit it about on the head - kids need to know who to call MOM and DAD. And just because someone gives birth biologically, that does not make you a MOM or a DAD.

At some point in their lives, adopted kids need to decide for themselves who they are going to call MOM and DAD. That can be a trying point in life for everyone involved, especially when I as DAD tell them they can't do something.... I'm sure every adoptive parent has heard at one time or the other: "you're not my real Dad and my real Dad would let me do _______ or go _______" (fill in the blanks). It hurts but you just have to realize this is a normal part of them growing up and you can't be afraid of still doing what a Dad should do. Giving in to their wishes just because they are adopted really does not do them any good and in fact makes the growing up process more difficult later.

In the end though we have worked through most of these issues. One of the most cherished moments of my life is when my 18 year old finally looked at me not too long ago and used the word "DAD" which he had not for a long time as he has been growing up into a young man.

As far as birth mom's communicating, we have had some contact from them usually in the first year then after that contact fades.  When we adopted our youngest we were at the hospital right after the birth but had no direct contact with the birth mother. I don't at all recommend this "pal's" bit with the cord etc as discussed above.

Just allow the birth mom to make a clean break and to get on with her life. She has and will go through enough without complicating things. We have always though tried to tell our kids how thankful we are for their birthmom's actually giving them birth and that is an example of how she loves them.

Abortions are all too quick and easy as a solution. Going through a birth and then trying to separate herself from a child she has carried is tough enough. This is also where a good experienced caseworker can help a lot. We need to be thankful for her and then let her move on with her life. jmho.

Jim at Dawn