As some of you may know, my wife and I have a large family with a mixture of bio and adopted kids. I am in the kitchen right now with our youngest (14 yr old) son who is adopted and we were on the other side of this take-back issue.

The birth mom selected us ahead of his birth, he came home form the hospital with us. A week or two later she said she wanted him back for a weekend.  There was nothing we could or would do but agree.

I can not remember a sadder weekend in our lives, nor a happier one when the adoption agency caseworker brought my son back to us the next week.

The adoptive mother needed some bonding time and maybe some farewell time.  We appreciate the wrenching experience that any birthmom goes through giving up her baby. About all you as an adoptive family can do in this process is to pray a lot.

I will always be thankful for our son's birthmom making the difficult decision she did.  I am not sure that logic nor outside influence is going to have much effect. It is just a decision she will need to make from deep inside.

I would not try to stand in her way of connecting with the child. Maybe try a couple days with the baby to connect will help her make the separation easier. Hopefully she will make the best decision for both the baby and her future life. This is also where a good 3rd party caseworker can make a big difference and contribution.

Just bringing this back up reminds me of the sadness of that weekend. It can test your faith.

All the best,

Jim at Dawn