Maybe the hold-up from planning earlier was the parents not knowing what the kids had in mind.  Seems they are willing now and old folks don't change their minds overnight. (I should know). Long as all the kids are on the same page,planning is not that big a deal.

  My suggestion to your first statement was going to be see financial advisor about your situation and take your husband along. All his cards would be on the table without making a scene of it.

 Finally, being a city girl is no drawback to the farm. Outside ideas are good. You should be doing your part by going to classes,going to the farm,checking out what is involved... Possibly the reason you have been in the dark is you didn't turn the lights on.