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| It's that time of year again....and there are times I do not look forward to it.
This is not a post to hear a bunch of replies telling me how to fix my life instead of complaining about it. It's just a post to get some things off the chest.
It's not like I have a terrible life. In fact, I probably have one of the best lives of people I know. I'm in good health, I have a great, loving family who always are there for me, I have a successful farm operation with prospects for next year already.
But I am still single and living on the main homestead. So there are times where loneliness really gets to me, especially when everyone around me is celebrating with a special someone. Even tonight, I was helping my dad shop for my mom, and we found some great deals on diamond earrings. And I didn't have someone special to buy them for.....
Or there are those who I've counseled this year who complained to me how unhappy they were in their relationships and why they broke it off, then turn around the next day and pick up where they left off and act like I never existed or helped them out when they were so "heartbroken". Yeah, you were really in misery, so much you forgot why you broke up in the first place. Now they rub it in my face how happy they are. Thanks for nothing...
And even today, I heard of a friend who got a new job, for which I am always happy for, but know that after this time passes, this friend probably won't have much use for me, now that his problems are fixed.
But when I get into these moods, and just need a friend to talk to, where are they? Oh right, I'm not even a passing thought. Don't get me wrong; they have their families and mates. And I can't be selfish. But dang it, I am always there when a friend needs something. Why can't I get the same treatment?
And so, this Christmas, I will go to my church for evening services, probably be passed over during greeting moments, come home to mom and dad and share a quiet dinner, then fall to sleep holding back the tears, ashamed because there are those who won't have anyone to spend Christmas with, or those whose parents won't be with them, or other reasons.
So for those who will be missing someone this Christmas, or who will be alone, I share your pain. And I'm sorry for feeling like my own misery is greater than yours.
If you know someone like me who's going through the same thing, say a little prayer for them, and if it's possible, just drop a little note of encouragement. | |
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Seasonal Depression
