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Hardest day of my life yesterday.
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Tim in WI
Posted 4/8/2024 17:10 (#10699469 - in reply to #10698944)
Subject: RE: Hardest day of my life yesterday.



Embarrass WI
gene_champ - 4/8/2024 09:17

Gromit - 4/8/2024 08:56

Went through this seven years ago. I still had both boys home yet (ages 13&17 at the time). You will quickly find out who is left after everyone else has gotten off the “band wagon”. We understood that everyone else’s life goes on, but the close friends always have your back. You will find people who don’t know what to say to you, or those who say way too much. But that’s okay. The next few months will be filled with forms, death certificates, and slowing preparing for your new life. I made it a choice to go through my wife’s clothes right away as she was a teacher with a good wardrobe that I wanted others to use be they went out of style. We kept a few article that had special meaning but most went to charity. It will feel like you are slowly erasing her life everytime you close an account or change a bill with her name on it. But is okay, it’s all part of the grieving process.
The good news is that it gets better. People will share great stories about your wife or how she was a positive influence. There will even come a time when you might even think about dating again and that’s okay, too. Take care of yourself. Everyone will understand if you put yourself first for awhile.


thanks for your reply.
you are right about everything. i was feeling low yesterday, but pulled myself together and went to church, i thought i would get some support to get me through the rest of the day. instead, i sat alone and hardly a word was spoked to me. now i feel abandoned and looking for a new church too.

oh, and a friend of sandy friends came up to me and said 'sorry i couldn't come to the funeral, but i had to work' saying nothing would have been better for me,


edit. are you better now after 7 years? have been able to have successfully date, or too much baggage yet. i want the touch of a woman so bad, but dont want to cheat on sandy.


You're not cheating on her. You held up your end of your marriage vows, "Until death do us part". When it became apparent that Sue was going to be terminal, I asked her for her permission to look for another woman when she was gone. She was a bit hesitant but agreed to it.

Everyone grieves differently, I don't know if I did it "right", but I refused to allow myself to wallow in grief and felt that I needed to move forward with my life, as my time is limited and there was nothing to gain by waiting.

Please make yourself available socially. Keep going to church, folks are awkward and don't know what to say or do-but they probably mean well and would like to give you support but don't know how. Hardly anybody does. When people say dumb things, just realize that they were trying and lacked the correct words.

FWIW, I found a wonderful woman on Match.com the December after Sue passed. She was a farm girl and had lived in the area a long time, 13 miles away from me but I had never bumped into her. She even rode the bus as a kid with my wife's closest cousins. We've been living together since June 2017(Sue passed in March 2015). It's not the same-it can't possibly be, but it's a heckuva lot better than being alone.

I am fortunate, Sue's family still includes me for Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas get-togethers.

Edited by Tim in WI 4/8/2024 17:14
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