http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=2570

The former colony, which is $14 trillion in the red, “just needs to retrench” following a few bad years and hopes living with its parents will help it save up some money to get a new start.

Britain, however, has yet to agree, explaining that it has its own financial problems and has nowhere to put America, as the Leeward Islands moved back in just last week. In a phone call with the U.S. earlier today, Queen Elizabeth was initially unsympathetic to her former charge’s plight.

“Hmm, if we recall, you’re the one who wanted to move out. You’re the one who wanted to be all ‘independent,’” said the Queen. “What was it you kept shouting? ‘Give me liberty or give me death?’ Oh. Oh my God. What happened? Did you die?”

“Hey c’mon, why do you have to make this so hard?” President Barack Obama reportedly pleaded on behalf of his nation. “Look, we can stay in the basement. You won’t even know we’re there.”

“No, of course not. After all, you’re such a calm, quiet, peaceful child,” the Queen remarked, rolling her eyes.

“It’ll just be for a couple of months. Or maybe years. Five at most,” Obama continued. “We’ll come up with an exit strategy and everything.”

“Yes that’s comforting,” the Queen replied. “Because your previous ones have been so accurate.”